55 ways to tell if you’re an artist

55 ways to tell if you’re an artist

55 ways to tell if you’re an artist…….


1. You know the difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, almond, and eggshell.

2. You’ve ever considered framing your palette instead of the painting.

3. You notice the burnt sienna  in the background of the Playboy centrefold.

4. You’ve ever cleaned your fingernails with a palette knife.

5.  You were more concerned about the colour of your car than the fuel consumption.

6. You can’t find a nice pair of trousers in your wardrobe because everything has paint smears on it.

7.  You know how to paint a shadow.

8. You’d rather buy a new expensive easel than pay to have the kitchen updated.

9. You clean your brushes in your mug of tea.  

10. You regularly drink the rinse water instead of your tea.

11. Your local DIY store refuses to work with you regarding choosing new paint for your house as you rename all of their paint swatches and get upset because they don’t understand that their version of turquoise isn’t a true one.

12. You can SEE clearly that the shade of greeny blue also has red in it and treat as idiots the  people who say they can’t.

13. You paint more than you talk.

14. You like the smell of turpentine and find it comforting.

15. You know exactly what shade of green lichen is.

16. You carry pencils instead of pens.

17. You butter your toast with your fingers, just to feel its texture.

18. Your children are forced to share a room so you can have an art studio.

19. You know more than 29 colours.

20. The highlights in your hair are from your palette and not the hairdresser.

21. The suggestion that you should *get a proper job* makes you want to scream and throw things.

22.  You do judge a book by its cover.

23. Your favorite fragrance is eau d’ linseed oil.

24. You get a feeling of calmness from holding and stroking the bristles of your clean paintbrushes.

25. When viewing a sunset, you think in terms of cadmium yellow (light hue), Windsor orange and maybe a touch of cobalt blue mixed with a hint of alizarin crimson. 

26. You’ll travel miles to sketch a place of scenic beauty.

27. You hate days out at ugly places and sulk about it til you get home.

28. You watch the latest kids’ digital animation movies and drool over the effects as much as the story.

29. You’re late for a date because you suddenly knew exactly what that detail of your latest painting needed and just had to fix it while it was fresh in your mind.

30. When you go out, you are always stopping and gazing at the world around you.

31. You bought paint instead of new clothes.

32. You stay awake late at night wondering how to render on canvas the dimly lit shapes and the shadows in your room.

33. Seeing the moon through bare branches reminds you how blue night sky can be.

34 Everytime you drive past a certain characterful tree you want to paint it  in all the seasons, all the weathers, fog and mist, sun and rain, day and night, just to capture the different dramatic  effects it all has on it.

35.You never look at a person’s face as a whole. You break it up into shadows and lines and shapes, and think how they would look on a canvas.

36. There are Prussian blue fingerprints on your phone.

37. You’re in love … with your studio.

38. You buy those new expensive sable brushes, and have nothing to eat this week. And don’t mind.

39. You have watercolour swatches on cardboard in your pocket.

40. You’d rather watch the dust motes in the air than get the hoover out.

41. Most cleaning fluids in the house have been used in experimental mixed medias.

42. You never have any left over wrapping paper in the house as its all been used for collages as a basis for paintings.

43. You hang paintings before they are fully dry.

44. You think about taking a picture to exhibit at a show. But don’t want to part with it. So don’t.

45. Buying blank books is exciting for all the images you’ll fill them up with.

46. You kiss people in greeting and check them over quickly to make sure you’ve not transferred paint to them.

47. You draw your letters instead of write them.

48. You like to paint the town red.

49. You can never understand how other people can have blank walls in their house that are just aching to be filled with a painting.

50. When going on a quick errand in your painting clothes you’re finding people rave over the ‘fashion statement’ you didn’t even realize you were making.

51.You get excited about the football season because it means your significant other will finally be sitting still on the sofa long enough for you to paint him.

52. You notice *lost and found* edges in other peoples pictures more than the figure they’ve drawn.

53.  You can get more excited about a particular shade of pink than going out for a meal.

54. You long to be alone with your thoughts.

55. You’ve got a head swimming with ideas for your next painting, and can’t wait to get it started.


I've been an artist all of my life, and my paintings now hang on walls in Europe, USA and Canada. I'm working on getting them on the other continents! My wide range of artwork has been exhibited nearer to home in the East Midlands, with the Guild of Erotic Artists at Beaumont Hall Studios in Hertfordshire, and at "Erotica", Olympia, London. I have also been featured alongside my work in the Guild of Erotic Artists book (volume 2). I love to create dramatic interest in my pictures, whether it’s to paint an unusual landscape, or just to utilise dramatic lighting in my figure drawings or strong colour in my animal portraits. Delighting in the spontaneous tendencies of watercolour adds an interesting and distinctive look to my paintings, some of which are purposefully ambiguous, enabling the viewer to use their own interpretation of my artwork. I also love to hide images, and humour within my paintings, whether it’s a secret message, or an erotic couple hidden within a landscape, or even an erotic landscape where the couple are camouflaged as the features of the land itself. I am equally happy painting in oils, acrylics or watercolours and love to draw with pencil or ink. I have also developed the very effective method of drawing using white pencil on black card which creates dramatic pictures by just picking out where the light catches the body and leaving the rest of the image to the imagination, in darkness. I can also utilise many different styles, whether it is realistic, abstract, surrealistic, erotic, fantasy or camouflage art where something is hidden within the painting. I'm just passionate about my art, whatever I paint! But, it doesn't matter how many landscapes or pet portraits I paint, its always the erotic stuff that people are interested in! I started blogging to share some of the strange conversations I have with the people I meet. But its evolved into far more than that now.

One Comment

  1. Jane Clark
    Dec 3, 2012

    i just wanted to say how much I can empathise with #33 – keep up the good work!

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