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Enough room to swing a paintbrush

Its been a long time since I’ve looked at properties to buy, and over the years the basic requirements change. Having said that I’m a long way off looking for a retirement bungalow! Artists never retire, they just slow down a little. And I’m far from doing THAT!

So, having searched through the windows of estate agents in the area, and on the internet, I was able to decide on the first of two places that looked like they might hold some promise for me.

The first one was a pretty sounding cottage in a pleasant village a few miles north from where I live. I arrived with fresh anticipation and a feeling of excitement. But on viewing the outside of the property wasn’t quite sure where the estate agents description of courtyard, outbuildings and garden started and ended. It turned out that the “outbuildings” were an outside lavy and the tinest garage I’ve ever seen – enough for a mini, maybe. Hardly the stone built artists studio that I had envisaged!!!!! It turned out the cottage was tiny too, and there was a weird set up with the garden that meant that the neighbours downstairs windows totally overlooked the cottage garden, so if I’d been sitting out there sunbathing, we’d have had nothing between us but a sheet of glass and a knowing look!

So, that was a no no.

On to the next one…………

Also in a pleasant village a little south-west from where I live. I had high expectations of this one. It was a 1960s detached house in its own garden and it had a study which was bound to be useful for me. I arrived, and could see straight away that the owners weren’t gardeners. No matter, I don’t mind designing and creating my own artists garden, I’ve done it before and can do it again. So, into the house, Ooooooouuuww what’s THAT SMELL….????  Try and overcome the smell that greeted me as I was shown the “study” which had an overpowering stench of something that seemed to have crapped in there a long time a go. Nevermind, on to the lounge, and it was there that I met the dogs. Ah, the reason for the smell maybe? The lounge was ok, the dining area was ok, the downstairs toilet was ok, the utility room was a mess, soap powder everywhere. The kitchen, usually the pride  and joy of any house was …….well………………foul. The outside door didn’t open because of the junk piled up against it, the cupboards might just be ok if they were thoroughly scrubbed, twice, before I’d want to put anything in them. But the floor tiles would definitely need to be taken up and replaced as they were black with grime and undeterminable dirt (the dogs again?). Ok, on to the garden, overgrown with grass and a desolate elderberry tree in the corner, the main features being the enormous shed dropped randomly into the middle of it and the dog shit decorating it. MMm…… ok, what’s upstairs? Three small bedrooms, one containing guinea pigs (more smells to add to the rest!)  and a bathroom that I wouldn’t have been happy using until a whole bottle of bleach and every cleaning product I could find had been used on it over a three day period.

But none of this mattered. Not the fact that every carpet would have had to have been ripped up and replaced. Not the fact that every surface needed a damn good clean and paint. Not the fact that the kitchen AND bathroom would have had to have been ripped out and replaced. Not the fact that the garden was overgrown and neglected. No, it was the fact that there was no where to paint. No where except a tiny back bedroom. With a funny smell.

THAT was the reason I didn’t want to buy it.

Now, WHAT WAS thaaaaaat smell……………………………….??????

I've been an artist all of my life, and my paintings now hang on walls in Europe, USA and Canada. I'm working on getting them on the other continents! My wide range of artwork has been exhibited nearer to home in the East Midlands, with the Guild of Erotic Artists at Beaumont Hall Studios in Hertfordshire, and at "Erotica", Olympia, London. I have also been featured alongside my work in the Guild of Erotic Artists book (volume 2). I love to create dramatic interest in my pictures, whether it’s to paint an unusual landscape, or just to utilise dramatic lighting in my figure drawings or strong colour in my animal portraits. Delighting in the spontaneous tendencies of watercolour adds an interesting and distinctive look to my paintings, some of which are purposefully ambiguous, enabling the viewer to use their own interpretation of my artwork. I also love to hide images, and humour within my paintings, whether it’s a secret message, or an erotic couple hidden within a landscape, or even an erotic landscape where the couple are camouflaged as the features of the land itself. I am equally happy painting in oils, acrylics or watercolours and love to draw with pencil or ink. I have also developed the very effective method of drawing using white pencil on black card which creates dramatic pictures by just picking out where the light catches the body and leaving the rest of the image to the imagination, in darkness. I can also utilise many different styles, whether it is realistic, abstract, surrealistic, erotic, fantasy or camouflage art where something is hidden within the painting. I'm just passionate about my art, whatever I paint! But, it doesn't matter how many landscapes or pet portraits I paint, its always the erotic stuff that people are interested in! I started blogging to share some of the strange conversations I have with the people I meet. But its evolved into far more than that now.

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